How Was Her Crumbcake?

There's a moment in Glengary Glen Ross where Ricky Roma, Al Pacino's character, is trying to sell a guy over cocktails. It sticks to me. He talks about how he lives the life he wants:

"Bad people go to hell? I don't think so. You think that? Live that way. Hell exists on earth? Yes - I won't live in it. That's me"

I'm just a man living and dealing and making good choices. I'm making better choices. I'm engaging in the world and loving it.

A couple things:

• Smother people with love. Killing with kindness is how it's normally stated, but they both have the same meaning. Several times recently I've been in a tricky situation with someone I thought was going to try to hurt me. I like to tell them, "oh my god, you're so beautiful. Have you done something with your hair?" or "You just said the smartest thing I've heard in weeks," or "man, you look like someone who gives great hugs," and it disarms them and brings them into your warm bosom. Do this and you'll never stop because it pays everything forward. 

• Appreciate relationships. Not just romantic ones. My first best friend was a guy from high school, Mike. Freshman year we thought the other was a douche *without ever having spoken to each other*. Halfway through sophomore year we became best friends and were as thick as thieves from then on. It was the first time I met someone outside of my family who I loved like family and was aware of it. We almost chose colleges so that we'd be able to hang out. We were so close that our mutual girlfriends were jealous of our bond. Sometimes you meet someone great and are happy that they're in your life.
  
  9/11 killed out friendship. He dropped out of college, enlisted, and we didn't speak for a decade. Basically, neither of us picked up the phone because I was pissed that my best friend was going into the army and risking his life and he was pissed that I didn't respect his decision. He needed a friend, and I wasn't there for him the way you need your best friend to be there when you're in a combat zone or your marriage is failing. I let him down. We've forgiven each other, but that will always be there. I kick myself because this is one of my favorite people in the world and I threw away a decade

• I'm never going to choose ego over happiness again.
  
• Be in great conversations. I've had them with strangers on buses, with friends in bars and drying dishes, with family that I never thought I would get to that level with. I've been breaking past the pleasantries and into the meat of life. The viscera and bones. 

I get nervous because things move unpredictably and It's not what I'm used too. I've always steered, from education to career to relationships. I've always connected the dots to make it into what it should be according to the blueprint. There really isn't a blueprint though. It's here in front of me and it makes me sweaty and warm and nervous. I love it though and wouldn't change a thing. Well, I'd probably wish that old dude on the X2 didn't drop his pants and show us all what a 50 year old ass looks like (hellish).