1.
My grande aunt on my father's side. Vivian? I don't remember her name. My grandmother and father used t have me bring her meals. We'd talk briefly, about nothing big, but she always wanted to know how I liked starting school. I can remember her voice, her scent, and her very thin fingers. They reminded me of needles. I was there in the room when she died. She was in her late 80s and I must have been 7 years old. My grandmother, father, and two aunts were in the room too. It was when I realized that people have a presence beyond just their body. When she died you could tell someone left the room. It was strange in that nothing physically changed, but we all felt it.
2.
Uncle Philippe. He was a super sweet guy, with a young, round, friendly face. He had 3 wonderful kids and a stern, but lovely wife. The things I remember about him the most are that he:
- Rarely had a shirt buttoned when he was outside of work. I can remember his belly button more than his face.
- Always had a cup of wine and a cigarette. Even before noon on a Saturday.
- Was weirdly calm all the time. He never raised his voice, even when he was upset
- Always told me to lead because I was supposed too. He wanted me to influence his kids positively.
The last time I saw my uncle was 3 months before he died. When we were leaving his house I got into my mom's car, ready for the trip from Miami to Virginia. I got in without hugging him because I was going to see him in a few months when he dropped my cousins off with my mom to spend the summer with us (those were amazing summers, but I'll save that for another time). As we pulled off, he ran after my mom's car in his flip-flops, shorts, and unbuttoned shirt with his pot belly out. He made a point to get me out of the car to give me a bear hug. At the time, I was annoyed that I had to put down my comic book and get out of the car.
A few months later, my mom and I were in Toronto. It was 1998 and we just went to a Blue Jays game. I remember it because Jose Canseco hit a home run into the windows of the restaurant seats we were sitting in. She got got a call on her old Startac cell phone that he was in the hospital and later that night a call that he died. I think of that moment, the hug outside of my mom's Toyota Forerunner. I never want to leave something unsaid or undone. I remember that hug every day
3.
My aunt Carole passed away shortly before I graduated college. She was the coolest lady and told the best stories. Some of them were probably made up, but some of them were actually true. She dated a few famous people and worked at one of those hotels that celebrities overdose in when she lived in Los Angeles. She always had something fun going on. She had odd jobs all over: designing costumes for dancers, working for shady characters who carried a lot of cash, and a life before she had her daughter that involved stories of her trying to be an actress and a model. This was great for her nephew, but really not fun for her daughter.
My favorite memory of her is my high school graduation. See, I went to a very proper boarding school in nowhere Pennsylvania, about 60 miles from Pittsburgh. Graduation was a big deal. 70 of us walked and after each name was called there was a nice applause from each family and the next name was called. My name, Williams, was last and Carole made *everyone* notice her. She clapped and whooped and hollered so loud and for so long that eventually everyone else joined in. I was embarrassed and not shocked, because she always did stuff like that. Everyone she knew loved and hated her at the same time.
Eventually, she grew tired of Virginia and made sure her daughter, who's like my sister, was OK in her future and decided to move to Florida to start her life again. She never got to restart it again though and passed away in her early 50s. Her life was too big for her. She's the person who taught me about living a life you love. But she also showed me that moderation can be key.
4.
The latest one, (so far) Denise, was my grandmother. She passed away after I graduated from college. Earlier I wrote about how my grandfather was a classy guy. He got it from her. She had a very regal demeanor and all the trappings: nice clothing, furs, jewelry, nice cars, etc. When she died we had to rent a U haul to get her clothes to the local women's charity.
She was a horrible driver, but she loved to drive. I was always the strong, little guy carrying her groceries, or she would take me to wrestling or football practice. Sometimes She'd even take me to those early-as-hell wrestling tournaments in nowhere Virginia and clap as she watched me weigh-in and wrestle at 6 AM. One time, heading out to Gloucester, VA., a redneck stop on your way up the middle peninsula, she missed her exit on the interstate. So she pulled over into the emergency lane, threw the Cadillac into reverse, and backed up an entire mile to get to the exit she missed.
She also had a weird psychic ability. When I was 8 or 9, there was a slightly older kid on the wrestling team that was, in retrospect, a creep. As a kid, I thought everyone was nice enough and always gave people the benefit of the doubt. But he would come over, play Nintendo with me, and then drink all of the soda and leave for home. My grandmother only met him once and she told my mother, in her heavy Haitian accent, "Don't let that boy back into this house. He has dead eyes." He was never allowed in the house again. Our friendship outside of the house ended after a couple things happened, but the real thing that clinched it was when he shot and killed his step-dad. Now the guy is serving a life sentence.
I remember her reading my palm and liking what she saw. I still remember what she told me and a lot of it has come true. She was always entertained by me.
When I got all my piercings in college, she loved it so much that she laughed.
I would help her do the dishes, she wouldn't talk to me outside of asking me how school was going and if I met a nice girl. She always loved hearing about her boys' girlfriends.
She's also the only reason I still go to mass sometimes. It reminds me of her a lot.
I do remember that she'd just hum this song that I still don't know. I would assume it's Johnny Halliday or some French singer from her youth, but Soundhound can't help me. I hum it sometimes when I'm doing the dishes.
When she lost two of her children, it really hit her hard. Those were her babies and they were gone. She sank into a deep depression when I was a Junior in college. Christmas break that year I started making her go on walks with me. She just needed to get out of the house and see some sunshine. And she did. She really found herself back in the world and appreciating the life and family she had. She told me stories about when she and my grandfather were young and he just started teaching at William and Mary in Tucker Hall, she worked as a secretary in Tyler Hall and they would have lunch every day in the courtyard between the buildings. They loved each other so much. It was really something to see them make it over 50 years together.
5.
My favorite person was born to my cousin. She's sweet, nervous, always smiling, and charming to boot. This past Christmas she told me, "Julien, I'm not shy anymore, I love you a lot!" I just love that, but I want her to be shy so that she doesn't meet bad people. People I can't protect her from. People who don't love her. She reminds me of her mom, but I don't know many ladies as tough and smart and pretty as her. I wasn't in the room when she was born, but was waiting nearby. I felt it when arrived in this world and I think the world is better for her being in it.
I feel like I have pieces of them within me. I guess what I learned from them, in the great and sad times was:
- Appreciate the small gestures. Sometimes, they mean the most
- Live a life you're happy and proud of. Some people may not approve, but it's *your* life
- Love unconditionally because there will be a lot of sadness eventually. So appreciate the good times before the bad arrive
- Everything ends or changes. It's sad, but I can still remember all of their voices and smiles and hairstyles and weird habits.
- You only get one family. I was lucky to have one that's so caring and happy with each other.
- You can only discuss family secrets in a foreign language so long before the kids understand what you're saying.
- Always give hugs. Every time me and my family are together there's 20 minutes of hugs before we do anything and before we part. My cousin came to visit DC a few years back and we hugged and rolled in Dupont circle and people thought we were insane. We just love each other.
I hope I got some of their qualities. I'd be lucky if I did
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